10 Powerful Life Lessons I Learned From Getting Myself Together

Life and many of the happenings in it hit hard sometimes. Some people take these shots better than others, and some buckle when bad things happen. This seems more true when pains and struggles are continuous and compounded. I am not different. I hit a point in my life after a few hard blows from early family deaths and tragedies, and because of this I let the pain and anger eat away at me. I became severely depressed, finding fleeting salvation in excessive drinking and promiscuity. I continued this cycle for years, not realizing how bad of mental shape I was in. On the surface, I seemed alright to friends and family, but the time alone and in between social gatherings, my negativity and demons would come to the surface; I came to the point that nothing made me happy, I had become incredibly nihilistic, slept all the time, and found no joy in life.

It all came to a head when everything came down at once. I lost my job, a girl who I loved left me, I went broke from my loose habits and wound up having to move back home. Laying down in my room one day, a tremendous weight came over me, feeling like someone was sitting on my head and shoulders. After everything that happened, what I did, and where I currently was in life, I came to the hard realization that I was the only one really to blame for my current situation. I had done all of this. Period. I was the cause of all of this. There was absolutely nobody to blame for what happened, and what circumstance I was in but myself. Past tragedies and life’s servings of inevitable bullshit aside, I was the careless designer of my life which led me to these lowly circumstances.

It was at that moment that I made the definitive decision that I couldn't do this anymore, and this person I had created had to go. I could not let any tragedy from my past dictate my life and future anymore. In ways unseen, I was killing myself by doing this; my spirit, my energy, my love, my passion, my creativity. I decided that I was going to change, no matter what happened or came my way. Since making this decision, I have started my own business, I have launched a mentoring practice, teaching people some of the things you'll see below, and overall helping them become better. I wrote a book (and am in the process of creating more,  I am on the continuous path to improvement and things are looking great.

From life and from this practice, I’ve come to realize that most people have been in similar scenarios, and in a lot of ways, we are all trying to work through the pains in our lives and in our past as to not let them encompass our being. Here are some of the items I have learned from my journey and also from observing others along the way:

1. Go Get It Yourself - Nobody is coming to save you. As romantic as the idea sounds, usually it does not happen. You have to be your own hero and go get what you want yourself. Sure, people may help along the way but generally, other people have so much going on within their own lives to pay attention to or help you get your act together. You have to do this task yourself. The strength that will come from you taking the strides forward to better yourself and your position will be immense, and that is the only way out. You have to make the way yourself.
2. You are your habits - Show me a person who drinks all the time, eats crappy, food, watches 5+ hours of tv a day, and I'll show you someone who isn't going too far. You literally are what you do continuously. You are an amalgam of habits and actions compounded over time that brought you to where you are now. Those little things you do may not seem like much now, but overtime they build up into what makes up your life. Be very mindful about what habits you partake in.
3. Your thoughts can be designed - No matter what anyone tells you, your thoughts that inevitably shape you, can be designed. Whether you currently have a more negative or positive outlook, your thoughts, vision and perspective are malleable and can be formed to work for your rather than against you. You can literally train your mind to think better, stronger thoughts, while simultaneously getting rid of negative, debilitating thoughts. By changing the way your internal monologue works, you can change your life and perspective on things toward abundance and strength and toward the positive. This just takes hard work (See #10).
4. Facing the pain, is the answer to your pain – A new adaptation from Rumi; “The cure for pain, is in the pain”. This is truly a profound statement. What I take away from this through observation and personal experience, is that whatever bothers you, or eats away at you, keeps you up at night when you are alone; your demons, need to be faced. The answers lie in that confrontation. The problem is, most people are terrified of facing this because they don’t know what may happen. We get comfortable being who we are and don’t want to change, even if it is potentially for the better. But facing your demons and your pain are paramount to you living a healthy, fulfilled, clear life. This is the only way.
5. You attract what you are.  Period – Many people want to be this, that and the other thing; rich, successful, retire early, famous. At the same time, they never work, they procrastinate, they complain, and they have pissy attitudes. The disconnect can be clearly recognized when written out. How can someone be successful, rich, make passive income with a lack of work ethic and a pissy, procrastinating, bad attitude? It just doesn’t add up. You attract what you are. Same goes for your partner, we generally attract our equal but opposite in a mate. So, how do you expect to get with an upper echelon person of consciousness or refinement if you are not there yet? Sometimes you can cheat the system and acquire some of these things, but they will not last. If you want to get top tier results, no matter what they be, you have to become a top tier individual of the same substance you want out of life.
6. Change is hard – I have heard from some gurus, change is easy, that seems like a bit of bullshit to me, change can be difficult and it takes continuous work, and that is why most people simply don’t do it. We get stuck in ruts and patterns of life; work – home – tv – dinner – bed and we don’t see any sense in really disrupting this. We want more, but we are unwilling to really change to acquire it; the healthier body, the deeper presence, the passion project, the business to help get you where you want to be. We want more but are seldom willing to put in all of the effort that is required. Maybe we do it for a few days or a week or maybe a month and then we stop, because the change we wanted did not come quick enough. Which leads to the next subject…
7. True Progress takes time – We live in a society that seemingly wants more and more to happen in less and less time. As great and convenient of a concept as this is, this is not a natural system, yet people expect great things to happen overnight, often forgetting great things take great efforts. The very concept of positive progress or change happens over a significant period of time. Nature teaches us this, one of the best examples being the massive wooden pillars that inhabit a large part of the earth; trees. Those mighty trees take years to grow big and strong, first establishing strong roots as their foundations, allowing their branches to grow larger and larger reaching higher and higher toward the sky. Your life’s progression is more similar to this natural growth than a quick service tech application providing results in seconds. You just need to start with deepening your roots and foundations, just start, soon you’ll be reaching for the sky.
8. Have a Mission – Every “successful” person I have ever met or run into, whether they were rich of the mind, body, spirit, financially, or a combination of all of those had a mission; Something bigger than themselves was driving them. Whether that was to run a successful business, be a great parent, help people, to create, to build, or anything in between these items, they were propelled forward by these higher callings. Develop a personal mission statement and path for yourself, whatever that is for you. Ignite that passion in your soul and proceed forward on your mission and your path.
9. Hate is Love, Just deeply blinded – The people who demean you, dislike you, harshly criticize with attempts to debilitate you, or even hate you, have a strange admiration for you, they just don’t know how to express it more positively. This is in part due to the pains, misfortunes, and insecurities they have yet to come to grips with or face within their lives. Seeing others with what they desire whether consciously or unconsciously breeds them with hate and contempt. No need to worry, stay on your path and wish  them the best. Just understand where this is coming from. It will save a lot of headache and worry over what others think knowing the origin of the negativity.
10. Its all work – At the end of the day, this is exactly what it is. Work. If you want to get better, grow, develop, get stronger, learn a new skill, rid negativity, eat better, live a more fulfilled life, anything you want to do, the work has to back it. That is the only way. You’ll always get nothing for nothing. Once you begin putting in those efforts in your new directions, it will begin to pay you back. Embrace the work, learn to love the work and the process. Keep going.

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